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Home Theology Forgiveness: the cost of forgiving
Forgiveness: the cost of forgiving
Written by Division by Zero   
Wednesday, 27 January 2010 12:01

At my local church catechesis is given in groups. Yesterday the subject for our group was about forgiving. At one point we talked about the cost of forgiving. This seems an economical view on the subject and quite the opposite. Shouldn't forgiveness be free?

My answer is no. Forgiveness always costs something. Actually... it is quite expensive! Forgiving always is an altruistic deed. The person who is forgiven receives it for free, but the altruistic aspect means the forgiver bears the cost. The cost can be (partly) represented in money if something has to be replaced or repaired. In most cases it can't be: the one that forgives must give something up. Things like pride, hate, resentment and anger. This means that the worse the deed that is forgiven, the greater the costs. This also means that great-fullness of the one forgiven is greater when the costs are higher. But the last one isn't guaranteed and brings us to another question: Is it possible to forgive someone who doesn't want to be forgiven? (I don't have an answer to this, maybe I'll write something about it later on). The ultimate sin, the fall of men, can only be forgiven trough paying the ultimate price: Jesus suffering, so we can live trough his resurrection.

A very interesting model about how forgiving works is the REACH-model. This acronym stands for:
R - Recall the hurt
E - Empathize with the one who did it
A - Altruistic gift
C - Commit to forgive
H - Holding on to forgiveness
In this model forgiveness is constantly given. It needs commitment and there can be doubt where there was once a certain decision. When in doubt about forgiving another person this model can help recommit to forgiving. It isn't a one time choice, but the one who forgives has to continually choose to forgive and hold on to this forgiveness.

For me this is what we need to keep in mind when we pray "forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors." Forgiveness is freely available, but is expensive.

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